


doesn't mean a thing (to me, not so much)

by jedormis (cettevieestbien)



Series: characters who need more love [2]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Dead Allison, Dead Boyd, Dead Erica, F/M, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, I called Scott out, No closure, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Sad with a Happy Ending, Scott McCall is a Bad Friend, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-27
Updated: 2015-09-27
Packaged: 2018-04-23 16:41:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4884142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cettevieestbien/pseuds/jedormis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Isaac has a list of things he wished had or had not happened to him.</p><p>Not being abused by his father, and later, Scott, is on that list. Being with his first love when she died, getting a little goddamn closure for once, is, too. Getting to babysit Boyd and Erica’s children, eating an actual turkey on Thanksgiving, going to college and so much more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	doesn't mean a thing (to me, not so much)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so bitter about what happened to Isaac Lahey. Also I'm very mad at Scott, and I kinda hate (parts of) him. Technically, Isaac has lots of love in this fandom, but on a more personal level, his life is bad and he rarely gets comforted. Even if he is an asshole.

Isaac has a list of things he wished had or had not happened to him.

Not being abused by his father, and later, Scott, is on that list. Being with his first love when she died, getting a little goddamn _closure_ for once, is, too. Getting to babysit Boyd and Erica’s children, eating an actual turkey on Thanksgiving, going to college and so much more.

But none of the things happen. Derek sent him away, he never got to mourn his packmates, his first love, or even his father, who he had loved once upon a time. He had to turn to a hunter - the hunter father of his dead girlfriend, specifically - for any _sliver_ of comfort. Comfort he didn't get from his family, didn't get from his alpha, can’t get from his packmates.

It’s not fair, part of him insists. Someone should’ve saved him from his father before his alpha got the chance. He should get to stay. He should get to grieve. _He should’ve been the one to hold Allison as she died_.

But the bigger part of him says the opposite. It’s normal, it says. His life is unlucky; his hand is shit. This is just what happens to him. He has to just deal with it. He should be used to it.

Isaac _is_ used to it, though. He’s so _used to it_ , that it doesn't cross his mind to feel lost and hurt and sad. His emotions don’t work, apparently. What happened to never being like Dad? What happened to knowing the situation and being in control of whatever he could?

It doesn't happen. Not once, not a single time in the only moments he felt like he mattered. He can’t control anything. He couldn't even control his own shift, for a long time. He can’t do anything.

He changes that when he leaves. What did he have, anyway?  An ex-alpha who’s too broken to be of any help, a true alpha who’s so _selfish_ and _stupid_ and _naive_ , and a pack of people he didn't like or was disliked by. Not even Stiles, who’s the heart of the pack, liked him. And Isaac didn't trust him, anyway, not after he played a part in killing Allison.

So he leaves, because if he resents the alpha, and doesn't trust the heart of the pack, and _has no one_ , not family, not love, not friends, _nothing_ , then there’s no reason to stay. There’s not. He _has_ to go, okay? For himself, for his mental health. He goes to save himself, to patch up what little pieces of him remain.

That doesn't mean he doesn't regret doing it, sometimes, when he’s alone and his new pack acts carefree, like they've never feared for their lives, _constantly._ Doesn't mean he doesn't drive all the way to London to talk to Jackson every once in awhile, check in with the beta he never met back in BH. Doesn't mean he doesn't threaten Cora and Peter into taking care of Derek. Doesn't mean he doesn't tell Stiles how he learned to control his shift, when the other boy tells him about the beta and the werecoyote who don’t know how.

Doesn't mean he doesn't return, doesn't mean he doesn't visit their graves, doesn't mean he doesn't weep until his head throbs and he can barely function. Doesn't mean he doesn't go with Derek on the road trip to New York, doesn't mean he denies comfort - taken or given - from the older man.

It doesn't mean the he doesn't love them all, it just means he has so many problems, he’s, at any given moment, drowning in them. It means he can’t hold himself and his problems up, while also holding up Derek and his problems, or Scott and his, or the whole pack and theirs.

It means there’s too many bad memories - his mother, his father, his brother, his pack, his girlfriend.

It’s too much. It suffocates him. His problems fit around him like the freezer he got locked in for years.

It’s _too much_.

You can’t blame a boy for wanting to get away from all of that, can’t you?

 


End file.
